Its scary to think that everything can change with a test result. 13th of October 2004 everything I knew about myself changed for ever.

 

My life would never be the same again. Our life would never be the same again.

 

This particular Wednesday was no different to any other, At the time in my life my wife and I were trying for a family. We had been together since 1996. We had a home , great jobs and family and friend support, we had everything we needed and today we were getting the test results back from my sperm test. We had been trying for children for over 12 months and nothing had happened.

 

I will never forget what happened next , we were in the Doctors Surgery and he said the test results were Zero.  Not knowing what was happening or what that meant I asked if that was good , I looked across to my wife who looked like she had just died , her face went white and had a look on her face that I will never forget , she kept saying Oh My God over and over and over , and this point I realised that "No Mate - this is not good" and then it hit me.

 

It felt like a bolt of lightning had struck me , the same feeling you get when you stick a knife into a toaster, my body went numb, my mind was racing, I was holding my wife's hand and we were shaking. The world was spinning and we couldn’t get of this ride.

 

The next few weeks were a blur , actually the next few months were a blur.

We were referred to multiple specialists , Genetic Counsellors , Fertility Specialists. I never knew that Genetic Counsellors Existed...

 

Time passed and we "adjusted" to this devastating new "life", we broke the news to friends and family , we looked into Adoption and Sperm Donors, researched online and then I lost it. I took 3 months of work and hid away from everything and everyone. I fell into a depression, deeper every day , I became bitter and very Angry , I questioned "Why Me?" , Why can't I have children , Why can't I give my wife whom I love Kids?, WHY??

 

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